i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
