The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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