Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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