Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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