She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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