Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
