Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
