we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
