"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
