Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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