bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is wine microwaveable?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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