I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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