2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
