Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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