Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
