Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
