You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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