apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
