I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
