Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
false alarm, still single
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
