A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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