I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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