Did you just see the Batmobile???
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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