nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
