I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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