I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
