Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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