honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
