Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
