if only i could text you this smell
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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