You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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