I can text with my tongue
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
