and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
