he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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