Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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