I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
