I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
