Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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