Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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