you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
