No stitches, just platelets and will power
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
