Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
