I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
