I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
