Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
