hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
