This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
