Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
