Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
