I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
