Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
