i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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